Shooting our Wounded

I did an interesting little exercise today. I Googled the following question: "Why do we shoot our own wounded?" Nothing about Christians, Christianity, Church or anything like that - just the words why do we shoot our own wounded. Yes I was thinking about it in terms of us Christians, but I did not search with those terms.

And you know what my results were? On the first page, except for one result from a victim support page by the Aussie government, everyone of them was a link from a Christian perspective (blog posts, a sermon and a few hits of lyrics to a song). The sad fact is this is the top hit because it is sadly true.

Most of these blogs touched on how we wound those who have sinned and don't offer healing. Yes this is true. We do get wrapped up in disciple but tend to forget that the Biblical model also allows for restoration of the person (in fact that is the ultimate goal). Jesus is the Good Shepherd and He wants to find all His lost sheep, even the ones who stray.

But I might also add that we tend to wound those who are hurting, but not by wounds due to a sin of our own doing. We pass judgments, make assumptions and draw conclusions based on things about someone's life and then react as if they are a sin and inflict deep wounds on those who are our brothers and sisters in the Lord. We react to the worldly view and assume that is the view the person is taking and treat them accordingly. We are more like the priest and Levite on the road to Jerusalem as we see the Samaritan on the road. We assume, walk by and don't take time to bind up their wounds.

When I came to Christ I was a single woman. For years I was the single girl. I felt the judgments - yes the question seemed innocent: Why aren't you married? But I cannot help but feel that behind it was what is wrong with you? And thoughts that I was some ultra feminist who didn't need a man or maybe even that I was a Lesbian. The truth was I wanted to have that special man and be married. But as much as they might assume I was more in the World, I really wasn't. I wasn't going to do the bar scene and really my only place to meet someone was at church, but that didn't happen for a number of years. God did eventually send me a wonderful man who I am blessed to have has my loving husband. But the wounds from that time of waiting still run deep.

Now that I have joined the ranks of the married, the new judgment is children. Again God has other plans because as much as we have tried that door seems to be shut. Yet I feel new wounds as the judgment is laid down. When are you going to have kids? As if it is my choice. It isn't, God is in control, but the world says otherwise - so my fellow Christians think that I must have chosen to remain childless. There is a stigma of selfishness for the family of two and it stinks. So what do I do? Do I pour out every detail of a very private matter or suffer silently?

My compassion is for my fellow Christians who do not fit the mold. I try not to make assumptions, but wonder how deep are their wounds.

Dare to Dream?

Every so often I ponder the idea about "Dreaming". Not in the sense of the dreams you have while you sleep, but in the sense of your hopes, desires etc....

Much of philosophical thought process stems from reading so called "Gender Disappointment" posts online. (If you do not know what that is, it is ladies who are pregnant and are "disappointed" in the gender of their new baby - typically they already have at least one child on one gender and were hoping for the opposite with this pregnancy). Many ladies have expressed their disappointment as the loss or end of a dream. To which I have always wondered - even if they got their desired gender - would their dream really come true? For example a women who really wants a girl and dreams of all the pretty dresses and other girly things may end up with a total tom-boy.

Lately I have confronted the idea of dreams from a different perspective.... mainly I find myself scared to do so. I guess a large part of it comes from my long abandoned TTC journey: the dream that never came to pass. As I ponder a possibly exciting chapter in our lives, I find myself scared to dive too deep into hoping - not wanting to end up in another path full of disappointment. Yet dreaming makes me excited and gives me a hope - so I feel lost in the middle of my desire and my fears.

Ironically my mom wrote on my birthday card this year: "Follow your dreams". As much as that is an often used sentiment, it is odd for my mom to write it on a card - that is not her typical style. So I wonder, is it a sign from above that it is OK to dream? Or am I just grasping at straws?

I guess all I can do is pray.

If you love Jesus.....

First off let me say, I am not a big email forwarder (you are welcome). I will forward the occasional email that is interesting or downright funny and when I do it is typically to the select people that I am pretty sure will find said email interesting or downright funny. But I absolutely refuse to forward any email that ends with:

This is a simple test: IF YOU LOVE JESUS, SEND THIS TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

(or any variation of a similar vein)

And now it appears that email isn't enough: now you have to repost your Facebook status to exalt His name.

But really what does forwarding an email or now reposting a Facebook status really prove?

Many of these emails/posting pleas say it takes "guts" to admit you love Jesus publicly - and yes that can be true, but when you forward this message to those 10, 20, 30.... people to whom are you forwarding it? Most likely it is your family and friends who believe the same as you - how much "guts" does it take to admit it among your fellow Christians? In the company of Jesus and his fellow Disciples, Peter was eager to say he would die for Christ, yet mere hours later he was denying him in front of strangers. How many boldly forward an email, but remain silent out in the world?

Even if you were to boldy forward such messages to your unbelieving friends and relatives - are you really being the most effective witness? Most likely it is just another email amoung the hundreds that get deleted and they are certainly not going to forward that on to their 10+ friends.

You show you love Christ by trying to be more like Him. By loving others they will see Christ in you. Is it easy? No, it takes a lot of discipline at times, but the more time we spend with Him the deeper our relationship and the more naturally it comes. Hitting send doesn't take much to do and you certainly don't need to lean on Him to do it - but isn't the relationship one of the things Christ wants the most from us?

So if you love Christ, post this blog....... Just kidding.

Things I would like to do in 2010

These are not resolutions - I don't really make those - they are just some things I would like to in the coming year.

1) Take a Class on Fused Glass
I have always loved fused glass jewelry and would love to learn how. There is a one day workshop offered at Mira Costa College that I plan to sign up for.

2) Learn to Crochet
Well more than a chain, which I am an expert at. I have tried in the past, but never really gave it much of a chance. I may look into one of those learn to kits you sometimes see at the craft store.

3) Improve my Photoshop Skills
I would eventually like to open up a small business to make custom photo cards (invites, Christmas cards, etc...). I need to hone my skills a little more and my goal is to get this running by the end of the year.

I guess I really want to explore my creative side this year. Hopefully I can learn some new skills and improve on ones that I already have. Now I just need to get off my duff LOL.